American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, etc.
We have stuck together since the late 1950’s, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce….. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course.
Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.
Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.
You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O’Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).
We’ll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO’s and rednecks.
We’ll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us… You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them security.
We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values… You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain.
You can also have the U.N.. but we will no longer be paying the bill.
We’ll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.
You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We’ll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We’ll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute Imagine, I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.
We’ll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots.
Sincerely, John J. Wall Law student and an American
So Larry King is getting his 8th divorce, Elizabeth Taylor is possibly getting married for the 9th time, Jesse James and Tiger Woods are screwing EVERYTHING, yet the idea of same-sex marriage is what’s going to destroy the institution of marriage? REALLY?!
The trick is, to live your days as if each one may be your last (for they go fast, and young men lose their lives in strange and unimaginable ways) but at the same time, plan long range (for they go slow; if you survive the shattered windshield and the bursting shell you will arrive at our…
Like the other Idealists, Champions are rather rare, say two or three percent of the population, but even more than the others they consider intense emotional experiences as being vital to a full life. Champions have a wide range and variety of emotions, and a great passion for novelty. They see life as an exciting drama, pregnant with possibilities for both good and evil, and they want to experience all the meaningful events and fascinating people in the world. The most outgoing of the Idealists, Champions often can’t wait to tell others of their extraordinary experiences. Champions can be tireless in talking with others, like fountains that bubble and splash, spilling over their own words to get it all out. And usually this is not simple storytelling; Champions often speak (or write) in the hope of revealing some truth about human experience, or of motivating others with their powerful convictions. Their strong drive to speak out on issues and events, along with their boundless enthusiasm and natural talent with language, makes them the most vivacious and inspiring of all the types.
Fiercely individualistic, Champions strive toward a kind of personal authenticity, and this intention always to be themselves is usually quite attractive to others. At the same time, Champions have outstanding intuitive powers and can tell what is going on inside of others, reading hidden emotions and giving special significance to words or actions. In fact, Champions are constantly scanning the social environment, and no intriguing character or silent motive is likely to escape their attention. Far more than the other Idealists, Champions are keen and probing observers of the people around them, and are capable of intense concentration on another individual. Their attention is rarely passive or casual. On the contrary, Champions tend to be extra sensitive and alert, always ready for emergencies, always on the lookout for what’s possible.
Champions are good with people and usually have a wide range of personal relationships. They are warm and full of energy with their friends. They are likable and at ease with colleagues, and handle their employees or students with great skill. They are good in public and on the telephone, and are so spontaneous and dramatic that others love to be in their company. Champions are positive, exuberant people, and often their confidence in the goodness of life and of human nature makes good things happen.
Joan Baez, Phil Donahue, Paul Robeson, Bill Moyer, Elizibeth Cady Stanton, Joeseph Campbell, Edith Wharton, Sargent Shriver, Charles Dickens, and Upton Sinclair are examples of Idealist Champions
Couples in therapy split up more often than you might think. Couples therapy has a horrible track record for two reasons: one is that the couple usually waits far too long to seek help, long after arguments have gotten out of hand and the dyad has drifted in directions that can’t be saved. The other is that “therapy success” is often measured by whether or not the couple stays together. Unfortunately couples often arrive for therapy with some knowledge that the relationship is either hanging by a thread or even that one or both members is seeking a sort of permission to dissolve the connection. In this case a good therapist helps the couple to acknowledge that separation is the best course of action and that it can be done somewhat amicably and respectfully.
“Sometimes all you can do is give your blessing to a couple that it’s time to move on,” she said. “There’s no shame in that and it’s your professional obligation to do so.” Some might view this as a controversial take on marital therapy, especially Christian counselors, but the reality is it’s unethical to try to force a square peg into a round hole. If people are miserable together, the shrink’s position is to help them separate and live happier lives apart.
Depending on where you get your numbers, one in two new marriages ultimately end up in divorce. Statistics are dubious entities and this number can vary wildly depending on your source, but even as a simple approximation, a 50% divorce rate is a scary proposition. There is some fluctuation in this number depending on certain demographics: a lower divorce rate is seen in those who are college-educated, as well as those who wait until they are over age 30 before getting married. If you marry in your teens or early 20’s your risk of the relationship dissolving goes through the roof.
What makes this “1 in 2″ figure even more sobering is the implication that the 50% of marriages that remain intact are happy ones. I see both individuals and couples who remain in the relationships for a plethora of reasons: financial, religious, a belief that it benefits the children, a belief that one doesn’t deserve better, fear of being alone or simply a lack of desire to deal with the legal red tape. If we look for the number of “successful” marriages that include both a formal retainer as well as mutual satisfaction we are considering a fairly low number that hasn’t been well established in the clinical literature.
With respect to obvious precipitating factors for divorce such as abuse, addictions or adultery, let’s focus on some of the most salient reasons why marriage can be such a difficult business, as well as some things that can help those relationships thrive:
1) Marriage requires compatibility not just at the point of saying ‘I do,’ but across the entire life span.
2) Assuming that marriage implies monogamy, the institution itself is counterintuitive to biology.
3) There is far too much emphasis on ‘weddings’ as opposed to ‘marriages.’
4) Many couples do not know how to fight fairly.
5) Marriages solve problems.
6) People settle for less than what they want.
7) Couples assume they are immune to reasons 1-6 and believe that hard work isn’t part of the deal. They think that love, sex, children or some combination thereof will be enough.
The goal of this post isn’t to create a ‘doom and gloom’ notion of marriage. In fact, successfully married couples often tell me it’s the greatest decision they’ve ever made. Rather, this information is to empower people who are considering marriage and to help those who are struggling with their current marriage take a fresh view at what might need to be done. For those who can’t seem to move past their problems in their relationships, for whatever reason, I would recommend seeing a professional therapist with some experience in working with couples. As mentioned previously, the sooner you can begin that process, the better, as my personal experience has shown that couples who don’t wait to seek out help have better outcomes than those who come in as a last resort. Rarely does a person say that saying a marital therapist prove pointless, even if he/she can only say “this helped me to see that it wasn’t going to work out between us.” I would also recommend an excellent book entitled Love is Never Enough by Aaron Beck. This is a practical guide to helping couples navigate through communication problems commonly seen in committed relationships.
* Why this is the case is not entirely clear, but many believe there is a strong biochemical component to this.
Gain a strong sense of ironic and sarcastic humor. when asked a question, refuse to answer directly, and instead answer with an obvious lie. [for example: (while in a movie theater. something cool just happened onscreen) “oh my god, that was so cool. did you see that?” “no, i paid 8 dollars to come here and stare at the ceiling.” in answering, you can choose whether or not to use a sarcastic tone. but please note that when you don’t use a sarcastic tone while saying something sarcastically, the recipient of your sarcasm can mistake your sarcasm for honesty.
Knowledge of good music is crucial to becoming a true hipster. If you are into any mainstream music at the current time (ex:Flo Rida, Rihanna, Akon, Britney Spears, Taylor Swift, etc.) throw it all away. Don’t even donate it. (you can, however listen to mainstream music with an ironic sense without actually enjoying it. this is much alike to watching crappy old cartoons just to laugh at the crappiness of it.)
Now that you know that listening to (and enjoying) mainstream music is the worst thing you can do to yourself as a hipster, you can go on to independent music which is what all real hipsters listen to. The artists and groups are endless. (one good way to decipher whether or not an artist is Hipster, is for you to like them, and for your non-Hipster friends to have never heard of them.) Hipster artists of note include Animal Collective, Grizzly Bear, Belle & Sebastian, Jens Lekman, Neutral Milk Hotel, Klaxons, Cut Copy, Neon Neon, Margot & The Nuclear So and Sos, and King Khan and the Shrines. Music blogs like Gorilla vs. Bear, and Stereogum may help you with this. Meeting people who are already into these bands will help you as well. Perhaps the most popular hipster music website is pitchforkmedia.com. If they give an album a good rating, it must be quite hip.
Namedrop often. Talk about all the obscure bands you like that nobody you know has heard of. When your friends talk about a band you’re unfamiliar with, just say you’ve heard of them but not actually heard them. Look them up the next time you have a chance to. It’ll give you more cred.
Insult a lot of bands. If you love everything you’ll seem like a fanatic. Make sure to give off a vibe that you are too cool and elite for a lot of bands.
Remember to use perhaps the most important hipster line: ”I liked them before they were cool.”
In addition, if you would like to seem more educated and elite there is the key phrase ” I liked their first Ep, but pretty much after that i never got into them.”
Fashion is just about as important as your music taste is. Generally, people assume hipsters to shop in thrift stores in attempt to looking vintage. This is really not the case to being a true hipster. The classic “Skinny Jean” is essential to looking hip. Hipsters love ironic eyewear such as shuttershades, oversized plastic framed glasses, Buddy Holly glasses, nerd glasses, and for the ones who can afford it authentic Ray Ban Wayfarers of all the colors of the rainbow. Some of the hipsters wear eyeglasses even though they have 20/20 vision! Guy hipsters actually probably wear skinny jeans more than the girls. Basically, the tighter, the better. Now tops aren’t as big of an ordeal as pants are. Ironic tees, plaid shirts, berets, large flower headbands, neon nail polish, bird necklaces, gingham, plaid, checkered, vintage floral cardigan sweaters, fit hoodies, patterned and colorful leggings are all part of the hipster phenomena, especially when they layer/wear them all together without matching exactly. But make sure your pants are tight. Urban Outfitters,H&M and American Apparel are good places to start. ASOS also has many hip pieces. For inspiration check out Lookbook [www.lookbook.nu] or CobraSnake.
Food. Start growing your own food. Use compost if possible. If you have absolutely no space to do this, go to a natural foods market instead. Eating meat isn’t exactly popular with the hipster culture. Fruit, coffee, oriental food, etc are all hip foods. Technically, they are all a bunch of foodies and love making gourmet meals. You can’t really go wrong with lunch from Whole Foods. Many hipsters tend to be vegetarian or vegan.
It takes a brave hipster to start dancing. In fact, if you want to spot a hipster, just turn around the next time you are at a show and see them standing in the back discussing Stella or PBR in a can. Sometimes, if the music and setting is right, you will witness Hipsters engaging in dance movements. Hipster dancing, if done right, does not use so much of the hips as it does the upper body and arms. Lots of swinging your head back and forth. Remember to only do this if you are not humiliated easy. Although you will rarely see hipsters dancing at shows, they tend to enjoy separate dance parties where they can dance to an array of more upbeat hipster dance music
Female hipsters love to use Tumblr, Blogspot or Wordpress taking photos with their Holga cameras of cross-processed and “dreamy-like” pictures of themselves in a field, by the ocean, in forests, in their hipster rooms. Usually it is to express their desire for beautiful and soft vintage things that is reflected in their photography. A lot of them have pictures of their feet for some odd reason. If you know of a hipster girl that knows the terms “re-blog” or “follow me on blogspot” then that’s definitely one of the indicators of a female hipster.
Denial. Hipsters will never call themselves hipsters. On the contrary, they tend to deny their “hipster-ness” at each possible turn. In addition, they will make a point of chastising other people for being hipsters. Denial is one of the most important roles of a hipster.
key to success right here.
this should be a book
So true its scary.
It’s a good thing no one I know is a hipster -______-